Why do we people please? Why do we focus so much on other peoples perceptions of us? Why do we want to please others so much… sometimes more than we want to please ourselves? I’m not sure about you, but I put a lot of energy into making sure other people are happy. I do think this is a good thing in a way, as it is important to make sure the people around you and the people you love are happy, however, there is a fine line between this, and disregarding your own happiness FOR this… let me explain. The best way for me to explain this is to apply it to myself. I would say that I do not GENUINELY care about what other people think about me; yes, sometimes I catch myself getting embarrassed or thinking about how other people would perceive me if I were to do something, however, when this happens, I reflect on it and notice that, actually, I don’t care. Sure, if someone said something negative about me or judged me for some reason, it would affect me a little bit, I can’t deny that, but, I would never alter myself just because I was criticised. I am happy with myself and would never change something about myself to please another person; I would however, like to practice not getting affected by other peoples judgment, though this will be quite a process and may take a bit of self-reflection to understand why I am affected by this. But think about it… do you ACTUALLY care how other people perceive you? Enough to change something about yourself to make someone else happy? If you seriously think about it I’m sure most of you would say no, you don’t, however, if you do, there is nothing wrong with this, but maybe consider why you care so much and decide whether or not this aspect of yourself causes you unhappiness in any way.
Despite this, people pleasing is still something that affects me. I am definitely the type of person who wants to make sure everyone is happy; as stated, I would never change something about myself in order for this to happen, however, I do often put other peoples needs ahead of mine, sometimes resulting in some discomfort or unhappiness. For example, I would cancel my alone time if someone asks me to catch up. Now, I know this sounds like nothing but, I love my alone time, and I often get to the point where I NEED my alone time. I think I am somewhat of an introvert, not in the sense that I am not sociable or don’t enjoy other peoples company, I definitely do, however, my social battery does run out relatively quickly and sometimes I just need that time to myself to recharge and relax; if I don’t do this, I can quickly start to feel down and flat and it takes me much longer to regain my energy. Now, if a friend genuinely needed me because they were upset or needed my assistance for some reason, I would be there for them no matter what because I want to make them happy and I am glad that I am this way, however, I need to learn to say no. If a friend wants to go out just for a catch up and I feel as though my social battery is low, I need to learn to say no; at the end of the day, I know for a fact that a friend would not mind rescheduling to another day where I feel I could be more fun, yet I still choose to go out as I am afraid of upsetting them. As I’ve reflected on this, I’ve discovered that I have always been a people pleaser but when I was younger it was definitely a far more negative trait for me, whereas now, I have grown and become comfortable in my own skin and therefore my ‘people pleasing’ trait isn’t a negative thing anymore, I have worked on it and worked on myself and this part of me is more so contributing to other peoples happiness while not altering my own.
I hope this has made you do some self-reflection and consider whether or not you are a people pleaser and to what extent, and figure out whether this is something you want to work on for the sake of your own happiness.
